Is Love Ever Enough?
By Diane Cassee, Psychotherapist
Let’s talk about love — not the fairytale version, but the kind that shows up in genuine, intimate relationships.
Most people long to be in love, to be chosen, to feel deeply connected. Love is a fundamental human need, yet it’s one of the most misunderstood and misused concepts in relationships.
Many of my clients come into therapy asking this question in one form or another: “If I love them, shouldn’t that be enough?”
But here’s the truth: love alone is not enough.
When Love Hurts More Than It Heals
Time and time again, I see people remaining in relationships where they are repeatedly lied to, betrayed, and disrespected — and yet, they say they stay because they’re “in love.” But what about love for oneself?
When we remain in relationships that cause us emotional pain under the guise of “love,” we often unconsciously teach our partner — and ourselves — that this is what we believe we deserve. And that’s not love. That’s fear. Fear of being alone, fear of not finding someone else, fear of unworthiness.
That said, not all relationships that face betrayal or hardship are doomed to fail. Some couples who encounter challenges like infidelity can rebuild. But it requires deep emotional honesty, mutual accountability, and a great deal of hard work. Both individuals must be committed, not just to loving each other, but to learning how to love better.
What Is Love in an Intimate Relationship?
Love isn’t just a feeling — it’s an action. It shows up in the small, consistent ways we prioritise each other’s emotional well-being. Real love says, ‘I see you.’ I hear you. I want to understand you. I want to contribute to your happiness, not take from it.
When love is genuine, it’s giving. It doesn’t keep score. It’s based on respect and empathy. In this form, love is generous. It doesn’t demand perfection, but it does need presence.
Why Doesn’t Everyone Love This Way?
Unfortunately, not everyone is capable of loving unconditionally. Some still carry old wounds — childhood trauma, attachment injuries, or emotional neglect. When someone is emotionally unavailable or self-absorbed in a relationship, it’s often because they’re trying to meet unmet needs from their past.
They’re not bad people — they’re simply stuck in survival mode. They seek love to feel complete, instead of giving love from a place of fullness.
But here’s the catch: you can’t fill a void by taking love from someone else. That only creates pressure, resentment, and imbalance. Eventually, one partner ends up doing all the emotional heavy lifting while the other receives.
So, Is Love Ever Enough?
The short answer? No, not by itself.
Love needs to be conscious. It needs to be reciprocal. It needs to be expressed through action, not just words.
If you’re in a relationship where you’re constantly giving love but not receiving it, you’re not in a partnership — you’re in a dynamic where your needs come second. That kind of imbalance gradually erodes connection and self-worth.
Why Do We Settle for Less?
Many people who accept one-sided or unhealthy relationships do so because they don’t fully believe they deserve more. They may love deeply, but they lack the same compassion and care for themselves that they give to others.
This is where psychotherapy can be transformative. Therapy helps you uncover unconscious patterns that keep you stuck — whether it’s low self-esteem, fear of abandonment, or unresolved childhood wounds. It’s not about blaming yourself or your partner. It’s about becoming aware — and then choosing differently.
Final Thoughts
We all deserve love that is nurturing, respectful, and reciprocal. But that kind of love begins within. When you genuinely
know your worth, you stop accepting relationships that don’t reflect it.
So ask yourself:
- Am I loving from a place of fear, or from self-worth?
- Is this relationship expanding me, or shrinking me?
- Am I being loved the way I love?
Because in the end, love is not just about staying.
It’s about choosing to grow — together, or apart.
