How to help your child survive the first few weeks of the school year.
After raising four different children, I can honestly say that parenting has been the most rewarding experience ever. However, it’s also been the toughest on my emotions because when my kids are upset, I’m sure I hurt them more than they hurt me.
I now have the privilege of working with parents, helping them with their relationships with their children.
Beginning a new school year, regardless of what year your child is entering, can be overwhelming. There is so much going on: new teachers, friends, and school subjects. Their brain and sensors can become overloaded, and all the newness and unconscious negative belief systems can have a party. Thoughts such as:
- I’m not good enough
- no one will like me
- I’m not pretty enough
- I need to impress the teacher
- I’m not able to learn like all the other kids
As humans, we all have different reactions to similar experiences. Why is this so? It’s because of the life that has already been experienced and the meaning we have attached to certain events or situations. You see, we are ‘meaning-making machines’. We make meaning of situations new and old, behaviours of others, tone of voice, etc. If a person has had a previous negative experience in a situation and has not dealt with that when they have a similar experience, the old emotions will be triggered again. Being triggered by an event or situation is our body telling us we have some baggage to look at. These triggers will continue to occur until the core issue has been resolved.
I know that was a mouthful and may take a little while to process, but we can’t keep pushing unresolved emotions and feelings down. This is one of the reasons why certain kids glide through school, and others struggle. Now, I’m not saying that if your child is struggling, they have unresolved issues. It’s just one of the reasons, and I wanted to explain why people behave in certain ways.
Behaviours your child may be exhibiting if they are not settled:
- loss of appetite, overeating
- not sleeping, lethargy,
- hopelessness, anxiety
- hyper-vigilant.
- fighting with parents or siblings
- anger
- sadness
If you see your child experiencing a strong emotion, the best thing to do is reflect on it with them: “You seem a little angry today.”
It’s important that your child is seen and heard so that their emotional temperature can be lowered. Although their problem may not seem as huge as someone who has seen their pain, knowing that their pain has been witnessed is sometimes enough to lower their temperature.
Don’t Ask your child what’s wrong; they’ll tell you nothing’s wrong. Instead, try saying, “ I’ve noticed that since starting school, you seem a little sad,” or whatever the case may be. This allows the child to agree or not, and they may start to talk about what’s troubling them. Remember their age, and remember that they will only have the emotional intelligence of that age.
At times, we adults may think that the child is overreacting, but it’s very real and painful for them. Be gentle with your tone and approach. Let your child know that even though they may not be in the mood to talk at a particular time, you’re always available when they are ready.
All we can do as a parent is love them and understand that not all problems they are experiencing will have an ill effect on their lives. We all need to experience problems so we can grow as a person. This helps us to understand our own and others’ emotions, feelings, and behaviours and gives us life skills for next time.
I wish you and your little cherubs a wonderful year.
Diane x
