Your Unique Roadmap to a Happy Relationship

by Diane Rooker


couples counselling Wynnum

Your Unique Roadmap to a Happy Relationship

An intimate relationship is unique to the couple. Our childhood and past experiences will define how we view certain situations and people.  Everyone has a lens that is unique to them. And if an individual looks at the relationship through their own lens only,  they will not have an opportunity to understand how their partner views the relationship. This is where the relationship can go off track. There can be a lack of understanding, needs are not met, and then frustration builds,  leading to a disconnect that gets deeper with time.

Couples counselling is a great way get back on track.  Couples counselling sessions are available at Wynnum, Capalaba, and online.

What is a relationship roadmap and why is it important.

A roadmap is a way of finding each other, of having a clear direction where to go, so you arrive at the same place together.  I often hear of couples who find that after a few years of being together they are traveling on an entirely different road from each other.  Initially, they begin on a similar path then slowly over time their relationship becomes more of an individual journey than a journey taken as a couple, because of their lack of understanding each other.

Before we can tell each other what we need, we need to understand what that need is. Take the time to check in with yourself when you are feeling a disconnect from your partner, or if any issues arise The more clarity you have about what you need then the clearer the roadmap will be for your partner to be able to provide you with what you need.

An example of this may be “ I need you to love me more” so your partner will go about giving love based on how that looks through their lens, their roadmap to love. Love can be interpreted in a million ways, so it’s important to let your partner know what being loved means to you..  This may be to be hugged every day, to just sit and talk, to have more fun together, to be more intimate. Give your partner a clear roadmap and then you will get what you need. This may look like this. “Sweety I’ve noticed that I have been missing you lately and I would love it if we can spend more time together, just cuddling on the couch.”

It’s also important not to blame your partner because you are not getting what you need. “ You never love me anymore, I’m not important to you.”  This may be seen as an attack so your partner may respond by defending themselves.  Because it’s your need not being met,you need to tell your partner how you feel and what you need, not what they are not doing.  Also, your partner is not a mind reader and they shouldn’t be expected to know how you think and what you need. That’s providing a road map at all, it’s putting a blindfold on your partner and saying you need to find your own way to me. Good luck with that!

Getting your needs met is your responsibility.  So you need to understand what your needs are, how you would like them met, and then provide the road map to your partner.

I know all this sounds great in theory.  I understand better than most that the majority of people are too afraid to communicate or they don’t know-how. And when they try it turns into a huge argument.  If this sounds like your situation then I would say don’t wait until it is too late to save your relationship.  Book a couples counselling appointment or even an individual session and I can help you have the ability to communicate effectively.  Couples counselling is available at Wynnum, Capalaba, or online.  Book now

Relationships are not easy but with a clearer picture, it can be made easier. Imagine if one day we can say “Siri, tell my partner how to love me”

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